A N I S 97

' He doesn't care as much as I do'

Together with away-gesture from him
Not talking, not !YMing, not SMSing
This statement made us apart, slowly
For few days
Even then, i've thought back that i should SMS him back when I'm back with normal-mode
But then, i surprised when he said that he actually kinda grumble with my so-called-statement and he thinks that statement was made for him
I didn't give an answer for his question

But truly enough, it's for him
But the thing is, i can't explain to him what is all about
Even he made his own assumption which is not really the main reason why. (yeah! might be lil' bit, just tiny bit~)

The fact is, i felt he doesn't care that we are a good friend, doesn't treat me like a good friend (or i shall say, not to my expectation).
I felt that i'm just an plain ordinary friend like others
I can't tell him straight when he made his assumption back then, that is why i told him that i should - SILENCE

My point is,
He still reserved, keep so many things away from me. If i don't give a damn to ask, he won't simply tell
I know there is a BIG thing that he keep away for himself which i think it is important for me to know.
Maybe i don't carry bigger weight of friendship & trust for him. That is why he doesn't tell me much.

Like he said,

'i tak kesah syg atas ape ar cam u serious i sygkan u...'

and till today, i do not have a chance to ask him why he said that and what he meant by that. From bottom of my heart, if he really means that he loves me as his good friend, he should change.

I can't tell him to change. For what? For me? No, it's just for his own good.

But now, i felt so empty when talked to him. The trust just simply blown away, the love is just gone.

I do not expect more than a good friend. But if good friend-indicator seems too much for him, i better off without saying anything. It happened before. To others.

Sometimes, something happen doesn't need any explanation. It just happened.

He won't lose anything because he still got his own good friend who always need his help, who always depend on him. And good enough that he is treating her well.

At the end of the day, is it just me being so calculative then? Am I demanding too much?

~aNiSr~