A N I S 97

errr~ did i mention anything on previous posts that make him 'xde mood'? haih~ wish he can tell me... but if do, errrrr~ :'(

:*HUGS :*

~aNiSr~

Today, i would say a "KELEGAAN' day as my new 'baby' @ station has open officially. Selling her first drop of fuel bout late evening. was there to witness her first customer drove in. yeah! glad but somehow still lots of things to follow up and settle.

Suppose to celebrate and share this happy day with someone but errr~ i guess not today. 'xde mood'. but hey~ everybody has bad day aight? including me. so i understand. dun worry! Take Care -U-!

aNiSr~

• cranky



• moody



• down



• frust



• emotional

why? coz people hard to show their LOVE. but why should they spread the love towards someone who they actually not in love to? so stop aiming high!

*it's only 9.55pm but am going to bed!

~aNiSr~

am listening to NeYo - So Sick & his ex-GF version.

thought back :

why i confronted him? the consequences?

why he never mention anything about it?

why he gave those reasons?

why he mentioned that he's not good enough? or it's actually me that not good enough for him?

why he mentioned about those level? or is it me that can't reach his level?

does he has inferior in himself?

does he really mean what he said?

does he really love me like i expected?

or am i putting too much expectation on him? or maybe on myself?

or it's just a lame reasons to escape from the relationship?

or it's just both of us are not ready for any commitment?

so what are we now?

friends?

no friends?

no relationship?

no for everything?

get off @ get away?

why he always have plans but not for me?

why if he has plans, but never though of sharing with me?

or is it me that have always so many reasons to get away?

so many reasons to get away from his plans?

or it's just me who just not suitable for him?

or am i feeling so scared of losing him as a friend?

or did i took a wrong move to let out my feeling towards him?

too many questions in my mind and i feel that we did not meet the conclusion at the end.

now i'm sound like a pyschopath don't u think? yeah! when we IN LOVE, you gonna be crazier than a psycopath!

simple step : just let him think. give him time. enough said! (eventhough miss him A LOT!)

~aNiSr~

just hate this feeling! jealousy is all over me now. while surfing his page, kinda turn me off when arrrghhh~ i dunno! people always says that when you are feeling jealous on a guy, it means that you don't trust him. errr~ i've heard bout that. but in this case, maybe i do! i do have lil tiny hesitate about him but it doesn't strike me so much. but when i saw those photos, i'm kinda can't think straight now! but hey~ c'mon Anis, he's only a FRIEND. he only treats you as a friend. i think i need give him ENOUGH space to breath. kind of overwhelming weekend i should say. from Friday till Sunday. thoses confrontation SMSes.

like i said, when you doesn's seems giving any significant impact in his life, it just doesn't work out. sooner or later, he's gonna go away like the wind blows.

that is why i don't receive any SMS from him today! and in fact, he never mention about outing together or haih~ i dunno.

down again...

~aNiSr~

managed to get this info from e-mail which i subscribed to a newsletter. good info to share!

The power of thought

“Stress has a lot to do with the way we think about what’s happening around us,” according to Julie Nelligan, Ph.D., a psychologist at Oregon Health & Science University in Portland. “If the holidays are synonymous with family guilt or not having enough time, money or whatever, you’ll probably feel stressed.”

Feeling overwhelmed is no fun. But if your skin erupts or your joints flare as well, holidays can be pretty grim. To combat holiday pressures, Dr. Nelligan recommends four simple guidelines:

1. Know what stresses you. Is it particular people, travel, obligations or maybe finances? Knowing the triggers for your own stress will help you manage them. Then you can focus on minimizing your exposure to them. (1st thing to do is get to know what triggers u!)



2. Know how you respond to stress. When you feel pressured, do you get overly emotional, overeat, skip meals, focus on sweets, sleep poorly, smoke more or get cranky? Learn to recognize your own personal “stress signals.” Your goal is to catch them early, before you begin to feel too strained. (respond? say it out! to anybody that feels related or a listener)



3. Make small adjustments to regain control. Once your behavior signals that you are stressed, make small changes. Get more sleep or take a nap during the day. Drink more water and less caffeine. Avoid alcohol and smoking. (sleep is the best medicine! lalalalla~ sleep always help in reducing stress. yes! 110% agree!)



4. Be good to yourself. Our focus on others is a major component of holiday stress, according to Dr. Nelligan. December is often crammed with activities. All the shopping, bright lights and parties can be fun, but take time to recharge. Give yourself the gift of quiet time, as a break between all the activities. (shopping! but now window shopping ONLY! :P)

-U-

Am holding your words,

Am not hoping too high,

Am relieved for everything.

Hope am not making u feel guilty,

Hope am not making u feel burden,

Hope am not giving u hard time,

Hope we are still remain as errrrr~ only -U- can fill in the blank.

*can't stop to spread the LOVE~

~aNiSr~

:D what's up with the title? yeah~ can't stop smiling. when i came back from meet up High School Senior, my 'closest' suddenly shoot me with ' haih~ sengih je ni, nape ni?' am like~ huh? did i? seriously, i didn't notice it! actually thinking of 'U' all the way while driving back home plus of doing the 'investment thingy'. even now, i'm smiling without any solid reason while typing all these. :D

yeah! basically quite a cheerful day today! :D :D :D

~aNiSr~

pheewwww~ 6 games in a row! average? sucks! =p but catching up on 4th/5th/6th games. huhuhuu~ the 1st three totally A DISASTER! lalalalala~ but while bowling, SMSing the 'right' people, to get the support, manage to get 3 strike consecutively on the last game. weeehuuu~ yup! fulfill my promise to 'U'. Turkey for 'U' dear! hope u did score a goal for me tonite in ur futsal game (i wish! it's just a dream lol~) i've played in a relieved mood and enjoying the game till the end.

met High School Senior at 8pm ++. High School BFF accompany me instead. :D nvm! he got futsal~ but better bring a girl when u are meeting a guy aight? ahahhahaha! my High School Senior is so excellent in explaining things in a simple language. last time, he introduced me with insurance (which i don't have, ask my official EMPLOYER why!) so, took insurance with him, and now he's introducing me with 'investment thingy' woohooo~ so interested since i'm planning for saving some bucks for 'FUTURE PLAN'. thihiihihi~ (suddenly i felt my 'time' is so near eventhough still haven't get any 'the serious person' in the list :P but hey, plan before execute is a good choice aight? :D) during the discussion, interrupted with some SMSes and phone calls. but there are 2 phone calls that makes me so giggle all the way. i'm in the middle of matchmaking my colleague and 'closest' wehuuuuu! can't stop laughing but hey! hope everything gonna be fine. can feel la Cik 'Closest'! but too early to guess. but am praying hard for you 'closest'! Amin~

~aNiSr~

relieved! yeah~ everything!

managed to tell him @ 3.46am. lalallalalaa~ yeah! then off the phone, too scared to get the answer. keji! :P i just adore my 'Kota Damansara advisor' when she never stop supporting me and said ' go anis go! aku bawak sepanduk untuk kau. aku tau ko mmg berani' ahhahaah~ thanks! she always called for update lol! yeah! me got friends that support me everywhere!

reason : too much boundaries i guess but truly / seriously i never regret it - better ask 'U' for further clarification. i already knew the answer and errr too much buts, commas, and etc. :D

sometimes i feel like a fool and acting like an idiot. but hey~ when that fool acting like an idiot and feel happy about it, what's up with the sarcastic impression aight? weehhuuu~ i feel like a hot ballloon in the air!

work wise - today, i've settled an issue which quite a big challenge but i managed to settle it! weeeeeeeeeee~ late night, early morning is now my best friend~ aallaalala~ thank you all for the tremendous support.

Today's plan :

Bowling tourny today @ 2pm - Cineleasure. Feel like wininng! cecece~ pray hard to get high score, at least TURKEY! :P TURKEY for 'U'

8pm - Meeting High School Senior. hope 'U' can accompany me :D

Planning to watch movie with 'U'. or maybe cancel the meeting with High School Senior and go the movie instead. thihihi~

~aNiSr~

a big hint to him last nite! but as i expected, yeah~ he didn't notice it! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~ from !YM to SMS, but still... i guess he knew already by now. i wish i can tell him straight! but i can't! too scared to do it. (of coz am expecting him feel same way like i do now!) but love is the thing that you never expect in return, remember?

'i just fall in love with you', i wish i can said it out loud to him. but i don't think he's ready especially my 'freaking mood' part. lalalalalla~ but hey, i'm only have that 'freaking mood' moment when i do not have something to hold on, something that not confirm, something that not firm. but i know! people scared of this mood thingy. i slept with frustration last night. wished everything was done in my way which is - i should tell him last nite! dammit~ i know the reader is mumbling like hell now when reading all this. 'Anis ni confused sebenarnya, ape la yang die nak sebenarnye', 'Anis ni mmg dah kusut sangat ni' and the list goes on.

but sometimes, i realised that i always made too much assumptions. something like, how sure he treats me as a friend? like he said, why don't i give a shot to tell him that i like 'dia'? woohhhooo!!!! in my dream. but excuse me for being negative as i don't want to put high hope and then crashed down to the land and fall into tiny pieces. the least that i can do is just keeping something for myself.

and this morning, i keep on thinking. can't stop thinking. and many people noticed that i'm not walking in the real world. looks like i'm outta space. i wish!

am sure he's also in the middle of 'malas dah nak layan' mode. huhuuhuh~

yes by the way, in the !YM and SMS, 'dia' is 'U'.

*dunno where to spread the love!

~aNiSr~

Jiwa Kusut!

~aNiSr~

I

AM

SOOOOOOOooOOOooOOOooooOOOOoooOOooO

TIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

pENaTtTTTTTTTTTTttttTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTtt

snapped! yeeah~ snapped on him last night. why? i just can't continue to read the archive about him and his 'history'. at first it's just ok but then when he started to tell what he did last time with her (good things la~ :P), and best part is, i can see that he still love her! errrr~ how should i say? jealousy mode arise? wuhhhuuuu~ this is bad! i just can't read (again!) and i just simply snapped and wished him a good night sleep. it's not because the birthday thingy, i felt that, errrr~ kuciwa! huhuuh~

worst part is, he read my blog too! shoot! now it's pretty hard for me to let out my feelings here. (hey! no wonder he knows everything! don't u think? argghhhh!) but wth aight? anis is shyless (refer to Anis's Dictionary) :P lalalalala~

my feeling towards him? i should say STRICTLY FRIENDS. (i have too!) negative me. but i can't stop comparing. not between my 'history' but his. before that? errrr~ arrgghhhh! i dunno. sangat jauh~ to wait for him to make that call? to make that move? to pop up the question? it's long way to go. but i know, he's a good friend. so i don't want to lose that trust.

i know that i did not manage to give A significant impact in his life. how do i know? instinct! i just knew it. when he can simply provide soooOOooOOOo many reasons not going out with you, no phone calls, less smses plus still putting 'their' picture together. i guess it's a big NO NO for me to continue how i felt towards him. but actually you did put away the 'feeling' part away before aight? long way before. but why now? bcoz, ko suke carik pasal cik anis. yeah! Anis the risk taker.lalalalala~

i simply hate this feeling! when you are not firm with something. this is not the first time that consultation turns to be emotions breakdown. why always like that one? :P first, consult and advice someone, then turn out to be me jatuh chenta with the 'client'. ahhahaha! Law of Attraction section 2(C) GILERRRR~ yeah!

before i turn into 'wild' and 'violent' with all the jealousy and moody and negative attitude plus plus, i should get away from him. it's for my own good and his too. because why? i don't want to lose him as a friend. don't repeat the same mistake.

~aNiSr~

Got this from Friendster Bulletin

MY KiSSiNG SPOT iS ........!

Libra : Under a tree.
Sagittarius : in the bathroom
Taurus: On the trampoline.
Capri corn :.In the hot tub
Aquarius : .In The Elevator
Aries : in a poool!
Pisces : On The Kitchen Table.
Gemini : Under the stars.
Virgo : In a car.
Leo : On the beach.
Scorpio : Everywhere.
Cance r : In the rain.

Post as "My Kissing Spot Is ____ " - In the Rain! weeeeeeee~ how romantic is that? thihihihi!

~aNiSr~

110%! i need to reorganize my life back.

• worklife - no more wasting time. have to pick up everything FAST! really fast! catch up & tied up everything single thing. you don't have enough time. 4 months left!



• savings - hey! your savings now is seems decreasing like nobody's business. what happen to the future plan & tie-a-knot plan? you should start now or never. NO MORE SHOPPING PLEASE! (dammit! that's the worst part! can i?!!!) leave all the credit cards (or maybe some cash too) at home. (but can i still bring at least one please? in case of emergency ~:">)



• relationship? - since now you are struggling with new work, why don't you park this question aside,errrr~ i believe quite far away please? just wait till he pop the question or give the answer. you ask me?! lalalalala~



• emotions - looks like your stress level are equally same like your building 's height where you are working now, i think you should take a break. likeee~ errrr? take few days off, vacation or something? anyone willing to bring me anywhere? and plus, your mood turns upside down easily, not like usual.



• personality wise - huh?! what's wrong? but yeah~ something's wrong somewhere. haih~ u know where. too loud? + shyless? (thihihi! i'm good in creating lousy words. i know!)



• external factors - you are now gaining the extra extra! don't you notice that? when i saw this year AD's photos, i'm like ohhhhh shoot! it's a 4 months pregnant lady in Blue Renaissance Princess dress (which i thought there was a prince next to me but hey!) helllloooo?!! what happen to the motivational part to lose that kilos gurl? where's the work out regime that you've planned and even executed last time? you are not listening, focusing and paying attention here!

and now i'm stressed out & confused! :'(

but the best recommendation to Miss Anis, you should start now!

~aNiSr~

just let it out through tears. makes me feel relieved. but some people can't just accept that methodology. 'sket sket nangis, sket sket kuar air mata' but hey! read my lips - I DON'T CARE! it's just the way that i can released my tense out. this week, 2 times!

haih~ first at office. i just been hit by one story which been tell out straight to my face and the most interesting part is - in front of other people. i feel like quitting. which errr~ sangat rase confirm sangat ni. so i went to the 'right' person at the office and tell her everything - my thoughts, my feelings, 'the incident' , EVERYTHING! first thing that i mention to her that i want to quit. yup! seriously! i'm not good enough, not proactive enough, not enough of EVERYTHING. then she so worried about 'the incident', she just can't afford to ask my manager to sit in together with us. haih~ this is simply why i don't want to tell her! huwaaaaaaaaa~ but she found that i don't have any choice besides telling my manager. so, three of us! and i'm so not comfortable. but hey! it's for my own good. and even my manager told me that if that incident happen to her, she definitely feel the same way and in fact it's just hit her too! but she convince me to confront that 'B' and ask her what actually her point telling me that such thing. haih~

today! suddenly i feel tears just went down - again. why? felt so sad when he can't make it for tonite's AD (which i've expected the NO answer a long time anyway) i dunno why i just feel so emotional. like he said it's not his 1st time cancelling our plan together. but hey~ what to do. am not been so significant in his life though. am not so call the very important. just a FRIEND. so tell me Cik Anis, do you feel emotional if other friend(s) cancel your plan together? did you cry for that? errr~ can't remember ~:"> but this time? i don't know. kate dah expect kan? so why did you? arrgghhh~ i don't know.

~aNiSr~

i just simply don't understand why can't a MAN just tell the truth. yeah~ it's hard to be gentleman heh? i dunno. i know few men that don't want to tell the truth to their women. i know there are certain things that shouldn't be tell out but there are certain things that should!

especially in a relationship kind of situation. or even in friendship situation. why can't just tell the truth? i appreaciate people telling me the truth eventhough it's gonna hurt me but have you heard about SINCERITY? in a relationship/friendship, sincerity play an important role but to some people it's just nothing to them.

haih~ am too emotional now. but as i said, wth!

~aNiSr~

i found this article veryyyyyyyy good & suitable to some guys outhere. got this thru !Yahoo website.

Reason #1: Saying "yes" to you means saying "no" to the rest of the world

Let's say he asks you to marry him on a Saturday. Then on Monday he's walking to work and a beautiful woman approaches. As a swinging single, he had the freedom to drop a cute one-liner. Now this knockout is off limits.

The bottom line here is your man wonders if you truly are the best person he'll ever meet or just the best person to date.

Reason #2: Women in magazines and on TV look so perfect

One look at you in your finest duds and your man will soon realize you too can look like a Hollywood starlet.

Reason #3: I'm not ready to give up guys' night out (i.e., my fraternity days)

Reason #4: Relationships shouldn't require so much work

"All we do is talk." We all know some guys have a penchant for avoiding deep conversation.

Many guys have friends who claim they never fight with their spouses

or maybe he had parents who shielded him from marital tension. A few too many challenging conversations and your man may wonder if all the stress is a sign of a bad relationship.

Reason #5: I'm not sure if the things that bother me about you are deal-breakers

wow! my colleague showed me a resume whereby the application is for those people who capable to run a station. because we gonna be conducting an interview for fresh and dynamic Retail Partner for our new site. basically that person should be capable all rounder =p mentally, pysically and moneylly (ahahah~pandai je haku reka!) yeah~ at least $500grant! perrghhhh mantap! and the most interesting part is that resume belongs to MMU's student! 24 years old! lady! fuhhhhh~ plus i knew her! wohooooo~ and my colleague punye nakal, he started to call her and ask her whether she knows anyone in Caltex. hhahahah~ sure la that gurl tak tau kan. but, i still can't believe my eyes when looking at the resume (which solidly mantap from page one till end). then i start to think, mana aku kenal minah ni? and pufff! she was my MMU twins's (coz we share same birthdate) housemate. besides she was also in same classes for few subjects.

what a small world!

~aNiSr~

i am so happy! just received a text msg from Retail Partner that her load has successfully arrived at her station today @ 7.30pm! i took my own iniative to call her at 8pm (while outing session with BFF @ uptown just now) just to make sure that the load arrive at her station - on time and in good condition (sesi bina rapport tu penting plsss =p)

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~ happpy and happyyy! i can call it as kici~kici success since been appointed for new job i guess. but her 3rd replied made me errrr~ cemas! "ada hal sure cari u. dont worry. gd nite" adoi mak~

anything for me tomorrow? plenty! my mentor will be back to office. halahaiiiiiiiii~

~aNiSr~

i had my first load handling today. gilerrr cemas! have to get approval from the boss and run to finance and back to my place and run to fax machine and run and run and run. i wish to run far far away! :'(

i know i need to keep up the positive spirit inside me. had conversation from high school friend through !YM last nite. made me feel better though! all the positive words that he said, at least keep out my bad chi away for a while. but indeed, made my positive chi to raise lil' bit. ehhehehe~ appreciate it! :">

~aNiSr~

with my dearest MMU's BFF! our session will never complete without giggling & eating session. tonight's outing? awesome! with 2 plate of errr~ char tang hoon (errrr~ suun goreng kan? =p) one plate each lerrr~ plus errrr~ =P fried rice plus errrr~ abc + lai chee kang. thihihi~ almost ordered char kway teou. gilerrrr lepas geram ke hape entah! then, went along uptown looking around baju-baju yang gediks and me end up buying a scarf with banyakkkkk butterfly on it. i like! :D

our gossiping session? errr~ so so la~ die dah kawen, die dah tunang, die dah pregnant bla~bla~ =p then end up our angan-angan seperti biasa. thihihi~ sharing my new job situation and my life plus hers too. but the eating session, mabeles i tell u =p giler lame i tak mkn byk weh!

thank you for the dinner dear! :">

~aNiSr~

perggggggggghhhhhhhhhh~ i think these 2days, i've heard so much news about engagement + tie-the-knot episodes. whether through phones, Friendster, blogs, !YM. and i even forgot to attend 2 weddings! haihhhhhhhhh~ last week on 24th Nov & and yesterday 1st Dec. besides busy, i totally FORGOT! but for yesterday's wedding, i expected 'SOMEONE' to remind me though. but i guess~ errrr~ he don't even care to remind me. lalalalalala~

it's like everybody planned so well to get engaged & get married at same month @ same year.

pressured ke cik anis? ahahhahah! naaaa~ but overwhelmed! thihihi~

today, i just break a story to my dear BFF. yup! i'm stucked in the middle but i think should tell him though. sooner or later he definitely will know about that 'news'. felt so bad but i think he took it in positive way. i hope! yeah! related to engaged & get married issue! who? ehehheheh~ lallallalala~

but last 2 weeks i did planned and jotted down in my V8 calendar for next year wedding. my friends' la of course! ahahhahah! tapi yg dekat depan mata, lupe plak! bleh ke cenggitu? :p

*enjoying single life to the fullest? (ye ke?) ;;)

~aNiSr~

wuhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu~ i'm back! yup~ with new modem.yup! sucks without Streamyx!

too much stories. too much pressure. even my modem can feel it i guess. kalau tak takkan sampai 2 minggu tak boleh connect kan?

Work Life : me now in new job. and toooooo much of everything. dunno where to start and even where to end. but tendering a resignation letter will be the best option right now. ahahahah! seriously! i'm trying!

Love Life : do i have one? thihihi~ naaaa~

~aNiSr~